Cha-cha-changes

So everything is changing at work, I am sorta kinda getting promoted...

sorta...

But when things change I get waves of ambition, I am sitting in work all happy thinking "awesome, I am just going to start kicking ass at my job, and not youtube all day and its going to kick start me being awesome at everything..."

Unfortunately this always happens and the super ambitions optimistic feeling will I am sure be gone by tomorrow...

How do I keep the magic feeling alive???

Merp...well I guess I could...

Make a daily schedule?

(I mean it has totally never worked in the past but hey...)

So here it is...

6:45am

Wake up 

Get dressed 

Do makeup

7:15am

Leave the house

7:45am

Get to work

Do opening stuff

Make tea

Smoke/ bathroom

8am

Open

9am

Eat (healthy) breakfast

10:30am

Prep for lunch

Update work FB and Website

Eat Lunch

11am

Smoke

Get change

12-1pm

Lunch

1:30pm

Do replenishments

2:30pm (possibly 3)

Bathroom/smoke?

Snack

3:30pm

Turn off soup

Start cleaning

4pm

Clean 

Deposits/Paperwork

4:30pm

Close 

Drop off deposits

4:45pm

Gym

5:45pm 

Head home

6pm

Cook 

Eat

Shower

Pack for next day

10:30-11:30 

Bed

Think I can stick to it?

(the answer is no...)

Whatever, I am going ride this high for a bit...peace out

The end of summer

Summer hardly means what it used to...

when you are young summer is about time off and freedom and doing fun shit 

(or in the case of me and my lovely sister watching Grease over and over and over)

But somehow I always trick myself into thinking that it still actually does mean all of that junk, and I know I am not the only one my roomies and I sit around all winter coming up with all this fun cool shit we are going to do in the summer...and 90% of it we never do! 

In reality summer is just as busy as the rest of the year actually more busy than the rest of the year, there are way more social obligations in the summer, between holidays and cookouts and shows and birthdays.

Basically summer meas getting really off track with any routine you might have, working just as much and being really broke all while sweating!

Don't get me wrong I did have fun this summer, I enjoy all the social shit, and we got to take some weekend trips and all of that is fun...but it kills routine

(am I being redundant?)

Where I am going with this is...

My birthday marks the end of summer (I know summer isn't officially over yet, shut up!) so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to start back up with routines, and what not.

One last long weekend to eat a shit ton of pizza and not work out and dink and smoke unreasonable amounts then Tuesday back to being good!

You can safely assume it did not go that way.

-----Skip ahead 2 weeks-----

I apparently also have a problem finishing what I start...or maybe it's not 2 problems its one...Because basically making lists and, goals, and agendas, and budgets and not following through with them is not finishing something you started...right?!

How do you fix that?
Pretty face Holly just wrote about being happy and about how maybe if you focus on being happy all the other things will fall into place...because in the long run not smoking and being healthy will make you happier and not having to worry about money will make you happier...
I think what I think is hard a bout that for me (and example of the differences in our lives) is that going out to eat makes me happy...like really going out every night makes me really happy and as hard as waking up in the morning is staying up late makes me happy, and if I don't buy the shoes and save the money in 2 years maybe Joe and I can take a vacation but that's so far away and the shoes are here now...how do I make myself see the importance in long term happy vs. instant gratification?

Life is hard!
And I am not sure if any of this makes sense or if it's weird rambling about failing and being a super baby about thinkgs and an addiction to making to-do lists (really I have notebooks full of lists...)

Whatever...the thing I (we) started to motivate me (us) has become another thing to ignore because I am happy being a shit head and don't want to be a grown up...(also I have a good story about avoidance but I'll save it...Yaay)...



Peace out 

There's an App for That

There is literally an iPhone app for each one of my goals, don’t believe me?

Be up at 5:30 (alarm clock)
Yoga (Yoga Free: Poses & Classes)
Pack Lunches (FoodMate: A Personal Meal Decision Maker)
Drink more water (Daily Water Free: Water Reminder)
Quit smoking (LiveStrong: My Quit)
Stop drinking Starbucks (NoGo)
Spend less money (Pocket Expense: Personal Finance)

Now what does that mean?  It sounds like a fabulous idea to have your phone do all the legwork but it’s just not the reality.  I’ve been using the LiveStrong MyQuit app, at first, hoping it would be an easy way to connect with other quitters (ha) which it is.  They have a lovely community who is super supportive and give you rewards points for achieving certain milestones that can be redeemed for gift cards, etc, but it does not in any way make quitting any “easier” like I’d hoped…obviously.  While you’re having a craving it takes 3 minutes just to get into the app, check in, log your craving, accept your reward and by that point I either a. am so overwhelmed with all the steps that the craving is worse or b. it takes so long the craving passed all-together.  I guess I’ll aim for the latter.

Now, I digress, what I really lack is good ol’ fashioned determination.  How can I expect to use these modern day tools if I have zero ambition or focus to accomplish these goals?  I can’t.  How do I regain the determination I once had?  Quite frankly, I have no idea.  Everyone keeps telling me to write down my reasons over and over until they are engraved in my brain and basically at that point I am guilting myself into achievement.  Sounds depressing, right?  Yeah, that’s because it is, there has to be some way to be HAPPY about all of these things.

I am erasing all my goals, just for a minute, and replacing all of them with simply: Be Happy.  How can I expect to nix smoking and Starbucks and gain lunches, water, yoga and money if I am doing it miserably?  I’ve convinced myself, over time, that living lazily and unhealthy will make me a happy person.  Quite clearly, it has not.  I feel that on my journey to becoming a happy person, I will quit smoking, start working out, sleep better, spend less and consumer healthier foods.  I need to remember that my mind and body are connected, when my mind is unhappy so will my body.  When my body is unhappy, so is my mind.

 

Unhappy people accomplish nothing, I want to look at my life and be proud of it, not hide certain things just because I know they are bad and embarrassing.  I want to be free.

Be Happy.

Holly

 

"Never ever apologize for something that makes you happy."