Fail.

It's safe to say I have successfully failed.  That's a thing right?  I didn't quit smoking - although I did come close and went three days, then two days and now I am back at square one.  I drank more water for about 1 day, I did one 15 minute workout, I did yoga a total of 12 times and I don't think I am necessarily "happier" than before.

We made it through Christmas (which was a total blast) and I reconnected with some old pals which was nice but now we are quickly approaching 2014 (can you believe it) and I am left wondering if I should attempt New Year's resolutions.  I never really have, I am always really lame and pick things I already do anyways so there is no room for failure.  But maybe this year is different, maybe this year is the year for change.

I do understand that a new calendar year really means nothing relative to time, but it is a symbolic time of year.  I desperately want to be cheesy and make the resolutions to do more: love, laugh, smile and overall be a happier person.  But I know I also have other areas that need improvement.  My attitude is certainly one of them but to move forward in my life, I know I need to give some things up, take on some more and really truly make an effort to be the person I really want to be which in turn should bring me to love/laugh/smile and be happy, right?

Wrong. (I do know this is contradicting to my last post, but bear with me, I am learning)

I wish it were that simple, I really do, but if looking at my past has taught me anything it's that everything is a daily mindset.  It never gets "easier" it just gets different.  Some days take less effort than others but having the mindset to be motivated is exhausting, especially on those days when nothing seems to fall into place. I need to grasp that being happy is separate from quitting smoking and drinking water. Loving every day is different from just spending time with my son.

So hopefully in the next day or so, I will absorb everything and make some real, meaningful resolutions.

Holly

Cha-cha-changes

So everything is changing at work, I am sorta kinda getting promoted...

sorta...

But when things change I get waves of ambition, I am sitting in work all happy thinking "awesome, I am just going to start kicking ass at my job, and not youtube all day and its going to kick start me being awesome at everything..."

Unfortunately this always happens and the super ambitions optimistic feeling will I am sure be gone by tomorrow...

How do I keep the magic feeling alive???

Merp...well I guess I could...

Make a daily schedule?

(I mean it has totally never worked in the past but hey...)

So here it is...

6:45am

Wake up 

Get dressed 

Do makeup

7:15am

Leave the house

7:45am

Get to work

Do opening stuff

Make tea

Smoke/ bathroom

8am

Open

9am

Eat (healthy) breakfast

10:30am

Prep for lunch

Update work FB and Website

Eat Lunch

11am

Smoke

Get change

12-1pm

Lunch

1:30pm

Do replenishments

2:30pm (possibly 3)

Bathroom/smoke?

Snack

3:30pm

Turn off soup

Start cleaning

4pm

Clean 

Deposits/Paperwork

4:30pm

Close 

Drop off deposits

4:45pm

Gym

5:45pm 

Head home

6pm

Cook 

Eat

Shower

Pack for next day

10:30-11:30 

Bed

Think I can stick to it?

(the answer is no...)

Whatever, I am going ride this high for a bit...peace out

The end of summer

Summer hardly means what it used to...

when you are young summer is about time off and freedom and doing fun shit 

(or in the case of me and my lovely sister watching Grease over and over and over)

But somehow I always trick myself into thinking that it still actually does mean all of that junk, and I know I am not the only one my roomies and I sit around all winter coming up with all this fun cool shit we are going to do in the summer...and 90% of it we never do! 

In reality summer is just as busy as the rest of the year actually more busy than the rest of the year, there are way more social obligations in the summer, between holidays and cookouts and shows and birthdays.

Basically summer meas getting really off track with any routine you might have, working just as much and being really broke all while sweating!

Don't get me wrong I did have fun this summer, I enjoy all the social shit, and we got to take some weekend trips and all of that is fun...but it kills routine

(am I being redundant?)

Where I am going with this is...

My birthday marks the end of summer (I know summer isn't officially over yet, shut up!) so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to start back up with routines, and what not.

One last long weekend to eat a shit ton of pizza and not work out and dink and smoke unreasonable amounts then Tuesday back to being good!

You can safely assume it did not go that way.

-----Skip ahead 2 weeks-----

I apparently also have a problem finishing what I start...or maybe it's not 2 problems its one...Because basically making lists and, goals, and agendas, and budgets and not following through with them is not finishing something you started...right?!

How do you fix that?
Pretty face Holly just wrote about being happy and about how maybe if you focus on being happy all the other things will fall into place...because in the long run not smoking and being healthy will make you happier and not having to worry about money will make you happier...
I think what I think is hard a bout that for me (and example of the differences in our lives) is that going out to eat makes me happy...like really going out every night makes me really happy and as hard as waking up in the morning is staying up late makes me happy, and if I don't buy the shoes and save the money in 2 years maybe Joe and I can take a vacation but that's so far away and the shoes are here now...how do I make myself see the importance in long term happy vs. instant gratification?

Life is hard!
And I am not sure if any of this makes sense or if it's weird rambling about failing and being a super baby about thinkgs and an addiction to making to-do lists (really I have notebooks full of lists...)

Whatever...the thing I (we) started to motivate me (us) has become another thing to ignore because I am happy being a shit head and don't want to be a grown up...(also I have a good story about avoidance but I'll save it...Yaay)...



Peace out 

There's an App for That

There is literally an iPhone app for each one of my goals, don’t believe me?

Be up at 5:30 (alarm clock)
Yoga (Yoga Free: Poses & Classes)
Pack Lunches (FoodMate: A Personal Meal Decision Maker)
Drink more water (Daily Water Free: Water Reminder)
Quit smoking (LiveStrong: My Quit)
Stop drinking Starbucks (NoGo)
Spend less money (Pocket Expense: Personal Finance)

Now what does that mean?  It sounds like a fabulous idea to have your phone do all the legwork but it’s just not the reality.  I’ve been using the LiveStrong MyQuit app, at first, hoping it would be an easy way to connect with other quitters (ha) which it is.  They have a lovely community who is super supportive and give you rewards points for achieving certain milestones that can be redeemed for gift cards, etc, but it does not in any way make quitting any “easier” like I’d hoped…obviously.  While you’re having a craving it takes 3 minutes just to get into the app, check in, log your craving, accept your reward and by that point I either a. am so overwhelmed with all the steps that the craving is worse or b. it takes so long the craving passed all-together.  I guess I’ll aim for the latter.

Now, I digress, what I really lack is good ol’ fashioned determination.  How can I expect to use these modern day tools if I have zero ambition or focus to accomplish these goals?  I can’t.  How do I regain the determination I once had?  Quite frankly, I have no idea.  Everyone keeps telling me to write down my reasons over and over until they are engraved in my brain and basically at that point I am guilting myself into achievement.  Sounds depressing, right?  Yeah, that’s because it is, there has to be some way to be HAPPY about all of these things.

I am erasing all my goals, just for a minute, and replacing all of them with simply: Be Happy.  How can I expect to nix smoking and Starbucks and gain lunches, water, yoga and money if I am doing it miserably?  I’ve convinced myself, over time, that living lazily and unhealthy will make me a happy person.  Quite clearly, it has not.  I feel that on my journey to becoming a happy person, I will quit smoking, start working out, sleep better, spend less and consumer healthier foods.  I need to remember that my mind and body are connected, when my mind is unhappy so will my body.  When my body is unhappy, so is my mind.

 

Unhappy people accomplish nothing, I want to look at my life and be proud of it, not hide certain things just because I know they are bad and embarrassing.  I want to be free.

Be Happy.

Holly

 

"Never ever apologize for something that makes you happy."

Yikes Spikes I pretty much suck at life

I am so good at putting things off..

or rather finding ways to justify not starting things because some other time is better for starting.

For example all of these goals (and this blog)...

I know that that I should start...like now, today...why not?

But then I am all like, I am tired and I am in a bad mood and work sucks and my birthday is in a few days so I should just start then...blah blah blah.

I also then feel super guilty for putting it off because it affects Joe (my boyfriend), like if I skip gym on Saturday and we go out to Tasty Burger instead then we are both not going to the gym and spending more money than we need to...

problem is going out to eat id fun...and honestly the gym isn't...plus eating out gets us out of the house and away from the roommates.

Anyways I am all messed up and shitty for not having any self control or discipline blerg!
Gah! well I guess it obvious, I have no progress to report, due to the fact that I am a shit head who is so 'effing good at putting things off...I am just going to go into why I have picked these goals I guess (maybe it will help me get motivated)(probably not)
anyways
Let's see first we have: Eat better and go to the gym 3-4 times a week,
Maybe like 75% of the time Joe and I eat pretty healthy, but we get into ruts, like last week we had pizza three nights in a row, not only is the expensive (sorta) but it is shitty for you, problem is pizza is easy, and Joe loves it! The gym gah the gym! I have a whole love hate thing with the gym, sometimes I go and it is amazing and I feel so good about going, and unlike most people I don't hate it when I am there, trick is getting there...like I can't seem to find a way to motivate myself to actually go to the gym, I am lazy! Not sure how to fix that, also I really want to get these work out DVD's (if my 19 year-old self could hear me now...laughing would happen just so many lols) It's called 'Ballet Beautiful' and I think wanting it pretty obvious...who doesn't want a ballerina body? Also I want to be able to do a split...is that weird...I don't have much faith in that one, oh anyways the issue with the workout DVD is my roomies are always around and that's awkward oh and I will most likely not actually do it ever...so there is that

What's next..?
Oh, save up money for moving...while also paying bills (like actually being an adult and paying my loan...on time?)
Yeah this is hard because spending money is fun, I hate my wardrobe and when Joe plays shows we drink...a lot.
But it's one of the most important because paying bills is necessary and we need to move!
Like NEED to move, we are going into our forth year at our place and on top of the apartment being structurally unsound, I can't stand living with people any more!
Like get this yesterday, my roommate came home from work at like 3am and fed my cat (I know it doesn't sound bad but wait), my cat is fat...and has a food schedule, because my roommate has never done this before when I got up at 6am for work I fed the cat, meaning he ate twice, not a huge deal but my roomie fed him food that wasn't his normal food, so then because my poor kitty had bad food then over ate (and some idiot put is cat box cover on wrong, I assume the same roomie) he had sick poop on the bathroom rug...here's the kicker, instead of moving the rug and texting me, he put something on the poop and folded the rug over, so I didn't even notice until later...what the fuck man...yeah so basically I can't deal with that crap anymore...no

Smoke and drink less is pretty obvious so I am not going to go into that...I already feel pretty bad about myself  don't want to make it worse, ha.

Okay okay, so getting up and going to bed on time, this one is tough, I am not a morning person, at all! But I also need to make myself realize 5 extra minutes of sleep is not going to make my day any better but doing my makeup and getting coffee is (literally I can do my hair and make up in 5 minutes, I just don't then get cranky because I look like I am going to just fall down dead at any moment) I mean I am lucky if I manage to get my teeth brushed and deodorant on before leaving (so is ever one else haha). Going to bed is tricky too, because Joe like to stay up, and if there is a show on a week night for got about it! I guess this one is about resetting my internal clock and uh not hitting the snooze button.

Lastly write/ read/ draw more, not gonna lie I spend a lot of time watching Youtube videos and on Pinterest and zoning out to Honey BooBoo and all of that is wonderful but I feel I am getting stupider? more stupid? less inelegant?
Basically I think my brain might be turning into like unflavored jello, aaaand that sucks!
I also have like 4 half read books, a blog I haven't written in for a long time, and about 4 half finished cross stitches, I need to get that shit done! For reals!

So that's basically an over view of things I want to get done/ start doing/ you know be really successful at...I guess.
I also need to work on keeping my room/clothing clean (because Joe's brain is going to explode) and keeping my nails done...or not done because I am too old to be walking around with chipped nail polish for weeks.
Yup...
Wish me luck?



Hello. Hello!!

Hi!

(^Holly and Kelsey ^)

We are Holly and Kelsey, and we are BFF sisters...

And this is our accountability blog (that's a thing right?)

You know when you get to that point in life where you are regularly saying to yourself:

"Ugh I HAVE to start acting like a grown up"

or

"I really need to stop putting things off and like do something other than watch Chopped"

and then you are all like...

"Welp, I had a really hard day (or any other random excuse) guess I will start tomorrow...or Monday, yeah Monday"

Well we do...

So we are now blogging about our goals (Personal, financial, life, wellness, random...whatever just the general self-improving / life-improving kind).

We sort of figured though we g-chat roughly six hours a day that blogging our progress might help us stay on track (or shame us into getting back on track when we aren't doing so well). Call is a social experiment...?

We can't promise that the post will be regular, or on point (though it is one of our goals) but we will try!

And that is what really matters...right?

Big pretty grownup sisters being really sportive and proud of each other attempting (and hopefully succeeding) at doing grown up, awesome pretty things!

Oh, and this is us now(ish), with the handsome Baby Bear:

Actually that was a few years ago, we will need to take an updated picture...add that to the list!

TTFN

H&K